Too many couples have trouble letting go of the ties that bind them to their parents and to the lifestyle they knew when they were single adults. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” They often feel torn between their responsibility to their spouse and their perceived responsibility to their parents. By the way, that should not be. There are some parents that cause them to feel that way. They make them feel guilty if their child prioritizes their spouse over them. This should never be. This is not God's plan and letting go is an important part of parenting! This tension causes conflicts within the marriage, particularly when one partner finds it harder to let go than the other one. A spouse may feel rejected when the parents and family are given priority over the spouse. It can become a wedge between husband and wife and a continuing and increasing source of arguments.
Keep in mind, I am not writing this to those who live by the world's system, but to those who aim to live by the Lord God's constitution. This is written to citizens of the Kingdom of God. We live in a fallen world, but the Lord God's Word is unchanging and eternal. Heaven and earth will disappear, but my words will never disappear.
Sometimes parents compound the problem by trying to hold on to their married children. Again, that shouldn't be! It is often emotional blackmail. I say to parents, you were giving the assignment to train up the children God gave you. Part of that training is letting them go so they will be mature, responsible adults who are ready to receive their assignments from the Father. If you emotionally cripple them, they will not be capable of doing what God is calling them to do! It may not be easy to let go, for parents and for the adult son or daughter. It may take a serious adjustment that won't be easy at first. But it will get easier if you are consistent and focused. Regardless of the source of difficulty in letting go, confusion and uncertainty as to how the couple and parents should relate will cause stress on the marriage. Keep in mind, I am speaking of those who are newlyweds. I have seen this stress bring the couple to divorce. Then the controlling, manipulative parent point to the divorce as proof they were right about the in-law. When in truth, they were the destructive force that brought them to that point!
According to the Lord God's constitution, the Bible, the most important relationship of all is that between an individual human being and the Lord God. This is a fundamental and essential spiritual relationship. In the natural realm, and second only to that relationship, is the marriage relationship between a man and a woman. That is something to think about! This is why it is so important to protect and preserve. And this is why it is so under attack today. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and He brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed. "This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’”
This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
When the Lord God created the human race, He began with a man and a woman, not a man and a child or a woman and a child. It was by the Lord God's design, the husband and wife relationship preceded and takes priority over the parent-child relationship. They are a product of the marriage by the Lord God's design. The husband and wife relationship is foundational and key to every other relationship in this life.
One reason that a marriage relationship takes priority over the parent and child relationship is because a husband and his wife commit to a covenant promise to meet each other's companionship needs for life. (Thank the Lord God for His mercy and grace!) By the way, there is no such covenant that exists between parents and their children. That commitment is between the parents and the Lord God. They will have to answer to Him for not raising their children as the Lord God leads. We will continue with this in our next article. (part 2)
Until then, remember that your faith in the King and His Word is your greatest asset in the Kingdom!
Mark 10:7-9 Mark 13:31 Genesis 2:21-24
All NLT except where noted.
W.R. and Arlene Luchie
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