Marriage--When Two Histories Collide
A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT This is the posture and stance of a marriage that will withstand the storms of life!
We wrote the article below early in our marriage. This month we celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary, so I felt led to update and add to it! The original article is complete below the update and still stands true for us.
When we think of love and marriage, certain scriptures come to mind: I Corinthians 13 and Ephesians 5 are two of the most well known. They speak of love, honor, respect and obedience. In 1 Corinthians 13, the "love chapter", it says Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NLT
But further down, the 11th verse should also be considered when talking about marriage: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Yes, when you marry, you should be ready to put away childish things. That doesn't mean you stop having fun, only that it is no longer "all about you". When you marry, it becomes "us against the world". Nothing should ever come between you and no one but God is more important. When my sons married, I knew that I could no longer be #1 in their lives. Their focus and top loyalty would be to their wife, and I told them that. I had seen too many young marriages floundering because she was still "daddy's girl" or he was still "mommy's boy"! The parent/child relationship must change. We still love each other and are there for each other, but priorities shift. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 NKJV
Heartfelt suggestions:
Get into God's Word and seek out scriptures that will build up and strengthen your marriage relationship. When you each care more about the other's comfort, joy and peace than your own, you are on solid ground.
Stand strong on God's Word,
D. Arlene Luchie
We wrote the article below early in our marriage. This month we celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary, so I felt led to update and add to it! The original article is complete below the update and still stands true for us.
When we think of love and marriage, certain scriptures come to mind: I Corinthians 13 and Ephesians 5 are two of the most well known. They speak of love, honor, respect and obedience. In 1 Corinthians 13, the "love chapter", it says Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NLT
But further down, the 11th verse should also be considered when talking about marriage: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Yes, when you marry, you should be ready to put away childish things. That doesn't mean you stop having fun, only that it is no longer "all about you". When you marry, it becomes "us against the world". Nothing should ever come between you and no one but God is more important. When my sons married, I knew that I could no longer be #1 in their lives. Their focus and top loyalty would be to their wife, and I told them that. I had seen too many young marriages floundering because she was still "daddy's girl" or he was still "mommy's boy"! The parent/child relationship must change. We still love each other and are there for each other, but priorities shift. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 NKJV
Heartfelt suggestions:
- Don't sweat the small stuff. It is usually the little annoyances that cause the biggest arguments. Recognize those "little things" they "always" do and determine to accept them and not allow it to build up to the point of exploding. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Colossians 3:13-15 NLT
- Accept that you may enjoy different things. Being married doesn't mean you have to like all the same things. I don't like football; my husband doesn't like rock music. You adapt, adjust but don't try to turn them into you. Those differences can be endearing! Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Romans 12:10 NT
- Be aware that "familiarity breeds contempt". Being together daily, living with life's challenges, can bring negative attitudes. We begin to see the clothes on the floor or dishes in the sink or hair products all over the counter rather than the person you fell in love with. In those moments, remind yourself of that person. Even Jesus dealt with that familiarity. Jesus left that part of the country and returned with His disciples to Nazareth, His hometown. The next Sabbath He began teaching in the synagogue, and many who heard Him were amazed. They asked, “Where did He get all this wisdom and the power to perform such miracles?” Then they scoffed, “He’s just a carpenter, the son of Mary and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas, and Simon. And His sisters live right here among us.” They were deeply offended and refused to believe in Him.
Then Jesus told them, “A prophet is honored everywhere except in his own hometown and among his relatives and his own family.” And because of their unbelief, He couldn’t do any miracles among them except to place His hands on a few sick people and heal them. And He was amazed at their unbelief. Mark 6:1-6 NLT
- Guard your spouse's reputation. Keep private things private and never tell secrets or share things you know your spouse wouldn't want told. Marriage is a sacred covenant between you, your spouse and God. No one else should ever be placed "in the mix". Too many people have destroyed their own marriage with their tongue. Don't run to mamma, daddy or any other sympathetic ear when you've had a fight! The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences. Proverbs 18:21 NLT
- Cultivate a Kingdom marriage by the leading of the Holy Spirit, our Governor in the Kingdom. A Kingdom marriage is built on the solid foundation of God's Word. You may read books and attend conferences and have counseling sessions but if the foundation of your marriage is not the Word of God it won't be a Kingdom marriage. A Kingdom marriage will be filled with the fruits of the Spirit; it will reflect our King, Jesus. But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Galatians 5:22-23 NLT So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. Galatians 5:16-17 NLT
- Your marriage, your home will be a place of peace and unity, with the Holy Spirit binding you and your spouse together in a Godly covenant relationship. There are so many scriptures that give us guidance in our marriages that don't specifically address marriage. Study them and become the spouse your spouse deserves. Make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Philippians 2:2-5 NLT Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all! Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Romans 12:15-18 NLT In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and He will grant you His blessing. 1 Peter 3:7-9 NLT
- I believe success in marriage comes down to this one thing. . . Will you be selfish or selfless in your marriage? If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind. James 3:13-16 NLT
Get into God's Word and seek out scriptures that will build up and strengthen your marriage relationship. When you each care more about the other's comfort, joy and peace than your own, you are on solid ground.
Stand strong on God's Word,
D. Arlene Luchie
Now keep this in mind, marriage is never just two individuals coming together. Marriage is two histories colliding. It is a clash of cultures, experiences, memories, hurts and habits. Marriage is the fusing together of two histories to make one culture..."Kingdom Culture".
Focus Point: Keep in mind: building a strong marriage takes time, patience and hard work. I wasn't taught this when I was younger, so I made several poor choices and many mistakes before I came into the knowledge of the truth. But I learned that one of the hardest adjustments anyone faces is moving from the single life to the married life. Remember, people do not change overnight. Some take longer than others. When you marry someone, you marry more than that person. In some cases, you "marry" an entire family, a complete history of experiences. This is why you should take all the time you need to get to know the person you have been contemplating marrying. Remember, it is two histories coming together. This is why it is hard at first to understand this person who is now sharing your house and your bed. For those who have been married before, it is even harder, because you and the other individual are bringing old hurts and bad experiences.
Focus Point: Both of you bring into your marriage many years of experiences which include hurts, joy, pre-conceived ideas of what a marriage is, and plenty of memories. They reflect and color how you see and respond to the world in general and specifically your spouse. Different viewpoints are one of the biggest sources of stress and conflict in young marriages. By the way, it is worse with those who have been married more than once.
Focus Point: (personal example): In my marriage to my wife Arlene I realized that I had to make some quick adjustments because of our experiences with other people. I must say this, it was much easier for me because I was determined to live by the Word of God. I am committed to my marriage and the obedience of His will and purpose for my life.
Please note: Adjusting to these differences is critical to your marital survival. It is unfortunate, that many marriages fail on precisely this point.
Focus Point: Here is something from the Constitution, men and husbands, that will help a great deal to stay committed and thrive in your marriage:
Constitutional Scriptures:
I Peter 3:7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
Proverbs 1:5 A wise man will hear and increase learning, And a man of understanding will attain wise counsel
Proverbs 4:7 Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.
Focus Point: Keep in mind, When two individuals come together, there must be a fusing into one culture, and that culture must be the "Kingdom Culture". Only then will they truly be one.
W.R. Luchie
www.kingdomcitizens.org
All scriptures are New King James translation except where noted.
These articles may only be reproduced, in print or on the internet, if the author's name and website address are sited at the end of the article as originally placed. Thank you.
Focus Point: Keep in mind: building a strong marriage takes time, patience and hard work. I wasn't taught this when I was younger, so I made several poor choices and many mistakes before I came into the knowledge of the truth. But I learned that one of the hardest adjustments anyone faces is moving from the single life to the married life. Remember, people do not change overnight. Some take longer than others. When you marry someone, you marry more than that person. In some cases, you "marry" an entire family, a complete history of experiences. This is why you should take all the time you need to get to know the person you have been contemplating marrying. Remember, it is two histories coming together. This is why it is hard at first to understand this person who is now sharing your house and your bed. For those who have been married before, it is even harder, because you and the other individual are bringing old hurts and bad experiences.
Focus Point: Both of you bring into your marriage many years of experiences which include hurts, joy, pre-conceived ideas of what a marriage is, and plenty of memories. They reflect and color how you see and respond to the world in general and specifically your spouse. Different viewpoints are one of the biggest sources of stress and conflict in young marriages. By the way, it is worse with those who have been married more than once.
Focus Point: (personal example): In my marriage to my wife Arlene I realized that I had to make some quick adjustments because of our experiences with other people. I must say this, it was much easier for me because I was determined to live by the Word of God. I am committed to my marriage and the obedience of His will and purpose for my life.
Please note: Adjusting to these differences is critical to your marital survival. It is unfortunate, that many marriages fail on precisely this point.
Focus Point: Here is something from the Constitution, men and husbands, that will help a great deal to stay committed and thrive in your marriage:
Constitutional Scriptures:
I Peter 3:7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
Proverbs 1:5 A wise man will hear and increase learning, And a man of understanding will attain wise counsel
Proverbs 4:7 Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.
Focus Point: Keep in mind, When two individuals come together, there must be a fusing into one culture, and that culture must be the "Kingdom Culture". Only then will they truly be one.
W.R. Luchie
www.kingdomcitizens.org
All scriptures are New King James translation except where noted.
These articles may only be reproduced, in print or on the internet, if the author's name and website address are sited at the end of the article as originally placed. Thank you.
