Kingdom Citizens
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    • Clarity in the Kingdom of God
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      • Understanding the Kingdom Concept Part 1 >
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      • The First Kingdom, and Its Origin
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      • Understanding the Kingdom Concept of Territory
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      • The Name Christian Is Neither God Sent Nor God Given
      • The Unshakable Kingdom >
        • The Unshakable Kingdom Pt 2
        • The Unshakable Kingdom and the Absolute Person
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      • Seven Kingdom Pillars to Build Upon
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      • God's Unchanging Kingdom Principles
    • First Step of Entering the Kingdom >
      • God's Constitution is Not a Buffet
      • Religion Versus Kingdom
      • Understand His Message and True Purpose
      • Everything That God Created Has Potential >
        • Living an Effective Life
        • Staying Connected to Your Source Part 1 >
          • Staying Connected to Your Source Part 2
          • Staying Connected to Your Source-Part 3
          • Staying Connected to Your Source- Part 4
          • Staying Connected to Your Source Part 5
        • The Redeeming of Your Body
      • Being Obedient, Is Much More Important Than Sacrifice
      • We Must Preach the Gospel of the Kingdom
      • How Did We Lose the Gospel of the Kingdom? Pt 1 >
        • How Did We Lose the Gospel of the Kingdom? Pt 2
      • The Unchanging Individual and the Unshakable Kingdom
      • Violating Kingdom Laws and Principles
    • The Kingdom and It's Personnel
    • We Are Citizens of a New Country
    • The Kingdom Concept of Lord
    • In God's Kingdom, We Are Sons and Daughters, Not Servants
    • A King Speaks About His Kingdom >
      • Characteristics of a King
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      • A King and His Kingdom
      • He is King and Lord--Part 1 >
        • He is King and Lord--Part 2
      • The Returning of the King and His Kingdom
    • The Birth of the Kingdom--Dominion Authority
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    • The Experience of Living Under a Lord--Part 1 >
      • The Experience of Living Under a Lord--Part 2
    • Preach the Gospel of the Kingdom >
      • What Gospel Are You Preaching?
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      • God's Priority and Assignment for Mankind
    • The Coming of the God-Man
    • The Son of Man and the Ancient of Days
    • He Came Under the Cover of Darkness
    • It is Just What it is, the Good News of the Kingdom Pt 1 >
      • It is Just What it is, the Good News of the Kingdom Pt 2
    • Kings, Prophets--All Are Representatives of the Kingdom
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      • The Bible is the Constitution of God's Kingdom
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    • Kingdom Perspective: The Eternal Message Pt 2
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  • Kingdom Knowledge
    • This is What the Kingdom is Like
    • Christianity, a Religion, vs Kingdom Government
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    • It Was a Lost Concept
    • The Government of Man Vs the Kingdom of God Pt 1 >
      • The Government of Man Vs the Kingdom of God Pt 2
      • The Government of Man Vs the Kingdom of God Pt 3
    • Condemning is Not Our Responsibility >
      • Condemning is Not Our Responsibility Pt 2
    • Forgiven From Your Past Life
    • His Kingdom is Here
    • Mankind is Prone to Drift From the Truth
    • The Kingdom of Heaven is at Hand
    • Diluting the Kingdom Message While Being Deceived
    • Believers Who Are Blinded, Distracted and Deceived >
      • Believers Who Are Blinded, Distracted and Deceived Pt 2
    • Removing Religion From a Kingdom Mindset
    • He Rules and Reigns: Citizenship in Kingdom Government
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    • The World Loves its Own, But We Belong to Him
    • What is Your Status and Reward?
    • Your Philosophy Determines Your Thoughts
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    • Mankind's Refusal to Answer to His Creator
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    • It is a Fallen World
    • Understanding the BIG Picture
    • His Name is Jesus, Immanuel
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    • The Jeopardy of Being Rich
  • Kingdom 101
    • Kingdom 101: You Must First Be Reborn
    • Kingdom 101: The Kingdom is One
    • Kingdom 101: Down Through Time >
      • Kingdom 101: Right Time
    • Kingdom 101: The Promise of Recovery
    • Kingdom 101: The Motivation of Creation
    • Kingdom 101: God's Idea of Colonization
    • Kingdom 101: What is Dominion?
    • Kingdom 101: The Spirit of Dominion Part 1 >
      • Kingdom 101: The Spirit of Dominion Pt 2
    • Kingdom 101: Let Them Have Dominion
    • Kingdom 101: Disobedience Is an Act of Treason
    • Kingdom 101: The Lord God Promised a Kingdom
    • Kingdom 101: His Intent of the Original Kingdom
    • Kingdom 101: He Restored What Man Lost
    • Kingdom 101: We Are Sons Not Servants
    • Kingdom 101: We Are Government Citizens, Not Religious Members
    • Kingdom 101: Your Relationship or Your Religion
    • Kingdom 101: He Rules the Visible World From the Invisible Realm
    • Kingdom 101: He is the King of the Invisible and Visible Worlds
    • Kingdom 101: You--Mankind--Were Created to Rule
    • Kingdom 101: Kingdom of Kings >
      • Kingdom 101: Kingdom of Kings Pt 2
    • Kingdom 101: The Lord God's Contract with Man
    • Kingdom 101: Born to Rule, Not to be Ruled or Controlled
    • Kingdom 101: Man Shall Manage Earth, It's the King's Law >
      • Kingdom 101: Man Shall Manage Earth, It's the King's Law Pt 2
    • Kingdom 101: The Lord God Requires a Body
    • Kingdom 101: Building a Kingdom Mentality
    • Kingdom 101: Anti-Kingdom Perspective
    • Kingdom 101: Rulers Become the Ruled
    • Kingdom 101: New Birth, But Not Converted
    • Kingdom 101: A Complete Change of Mentality
    • Kingdom 101: Making Preparations for the King >
      • Kingdom 101: Making Preparation for the King Pt 2
      • Kingdom 101: Making Preparation for the King Pt 3
    • Kingdom 101: The Image of a King
  • Kingdom 101: King and Kingdom
    • Kingdom 101: The Essence of a Kingdom and Its King
    • Kingdom 101: A World Just for You
    • Kingdom 101: Conflicting Kingdoms
  • Kingdom 102: The Kingdom of God is Relevant
    • Kingdom 102: How Do You Enter? >
      • Kingdom 102: Honoring His Son in the Kingdom
    • Kingdom 102: Applying the Kingdom
    • Kingdom 102: A Kingdom Focus on the Beatitudes
    • Kingdom 102: Staying Focused on His Word in Time of Conflict
    • Kingdom 102: Principles of the Kingdom
    • Kingdom 102: The Invasion From Heaven >
      • Kingdom 102: The Divine Confrontation
    • Kingdom 102: Violence and the Kingdom
    • Kingdom 102: Setting Priorities While Living in Two Kingdoms >
      • Kingdom 102: A Clash of Cultures
      • Kingdom 102: Characteristic of Kingdom Culture
      • Kingdom 102: Citizens Represent Their Kingdom and Culture
    • Kingdom 102: Kingdom Government Principles >
      • Kingdom 102: The Kingdom Government and the Republic
      • Kingdom 102: Carrying Out the King's Policies and Principles
      • Kingdom 102: Fusing a Kingdom With a Democracy
    • Kingdom 102: Mankind's Knowledge
    • Kingdom 102: Information: Knowledge From the King >
      • Kingdom 102: Information--Knowledge From the King Pt 2
    • Kingdom 102: Kingdoms and Their Battles
    • Kingdom 102: Knowledge, the Key >
      • Kingdom 102: Knowledge is Very Important
    • Kingdom 102: Seek the Kingdom, Encourage One Another >
      • Kingdom 102: Seek the Kingdom, A Divine Command
    • Kingdom 102: Light in Dark Places >
      • Kingdom 102: Kingdom of Light or Darkness?
      • Kingdom 102: Where Are the Ambassadors? >
        • Kingdom 102: The Power of an Ambassador >
          • Kingdom 102: The Ambassador's Influence
        • Kingdom 102: Surrendering Our Heavenly Passport
        • Kingdom 102: A Break in Diplomatic Relations
      • Kingdom 102: We Are Prisoners In a Foreign Land >
        • Kingdom 102: Mankind's Full Pardon
      • Kingdom 102: The Coming of His Man >
        • Kingdom 102: The Kingdom and His Birth
        • Kingdom 102: Understanding His Mission, Purpose and Who He Is
        • Kingdom 102: Purpose >
          • Kingdom 102: His Original Mission and Purpose
      • Kingdom 102: Developing a Kingdom Concept >
        • Kingdom 102: Meditate on These Kingdom Principles
      • Kingdom 102: His Assignment, Preach the Kingdom >
        • Kingdom 102: Preach and Teach the Gospel of the Kingdom
      • Kingdom 102: The Kingdom is Power >
        • Kingdom 102: Representing the King: The Power of Our Position
      • Kingdom 102: Restoring the Kingdom and Its Mission Statement >
        • Kingdom 102: The Kingdom Reintroduced Pt 1 >
          • Kingdom 102: The Kingdom Reintroduced Pt 2
        • Kingdom 102: God's Plan to Restore Our Place
      • Kingdom 102: Preparation for the Counselor (Holy Spirit) >
        • Kingdom 102: Preparing for the Indwelling
      • Kingdom 102: A New Order is Here, in the Last Stage >
        • Kingdom 102: The New World Order
        • Kingdom 102: The New Order and Its Citizens
      • Kingdom 102: The Final Process: Becoming One With the Holy Spirit
      • Kingdom 102: The Kingdom is the Good News Pt 1 >
        • Kingdom 102: The Kingdom is the Good News Pt 2
  • Kingdom 102: Knowing How to Apply the Kingdom Concept
  • Kingdom 103: Believe in Me
    • Kingdom 103: The King's Viewpoint of Giving
    • Kingdom 103: If You Can Believe in Him
    • Kingdom 103: Trusting in Mankind While Believing in God's Word? >
      • Kingdom 103: Your Faith is Essential in the Kingdom
    • Kingdom 103: The Division of Mankind
    • Kingdom 103: They Praise Him, But Fail to Obey Him >
      • Kingdom 103: The King's Will and the King's Word
    • Kingdom 103: Know Your Purpose While on This Earth >
      • Kingdom 103: Your Goals, His Purpose...and Then What?
  • Kingdom 103: He Needs No Assistance in Keeping His Promise
    • Kingdom 103: Honoring the Father Through the Son
    • Kingdom 103: Standing on His Promises >
      • Kingdom 103: Spreading Your Culture >
        • Kingdom 103: Living in the Kingdom Culture
    • Kingdom 103: Power and Authority in His Name
    • Kingdom 103: Many Little Kingdoms, But Only One is True
    • Kingdom 103: What Does it Mean to Lead? >
      • Kingdom 103: Kingdom Citizens Are Examples
    • Kingdom 103: Persistent and Consistent!
    • Kingdom 103: Student or Disciple of the Kingdom? >
      • Kingdom 103: Student or Disciple of the Kingdom? Pt 2
      • Kingdom 103: Student or Disciple of the Kingdom? Pt 3
    • Kingdom 103: Dare To Be Obedient
    • Kingdom 103: On What Foundation Does Your Faith Stand?
    • Kingdom 103: The Kingdom Mindset of Authority
  • Kingdom 103: Seven Last Days Churches and Their Believers' Characteristics
    • Kingdom 103: Ephesus, Its Believers' Characteristics >
      • Kingdom 103: Ephesus, Its Believers' Characteristics Pt 2
    • Kingdom 103: Smyrna, Its Believers' Characteristics
    • Kingdom 103: Pergamos, The Compromising Church
    • Kingdom 103: Thyatira, Its Believers' Characteristics >
      • Kingdom 103: Thyatira, Its Believers' Characteristics Pt 2
    • Kingdom 103: Sardis, Its Believers' Characteristics
    • Kingdom 103: Philadelphia, Its Believers' Characteristics >
      • Kingdom 103: Philadelphia, Its Believers' Characteristics Pt 2
    • Kingdom 103: Laodicea, The Lukewarm Church
  • Kingdom 103: Reconsidering the End Times
    • Kingdom 103: When Will the End Come?
    • Kingdom 103: He Came Under the Cloak of Darkness
    • Kingdom 103: Authorized Power for the Heavenly Government
    • Kingdom 103: Never Assume in Marriage Pt 1 >
      • Kingdom 103: Never Assume in Marriage Pt 2
      • Kingdom 103: Love in Marriage Needs to be Refreshed
    • Kingdom 103: Fatherlessness, the Source of Disobedience and Sin
    • Kingdom 103: Simple Made Complicated >
      • Kingdom 103: The Simplicity of the Kingdom Gospel
    • Kingdom 103: Life Beyond the Door >
      • Kingdom 103: Kingdom Culture Displayed to the Blind
      • Kingdom 103: What Gospel Are You Preaching? >
        • Kingdom 103: What Gospel Are You Preaching? Pt 2
      • Kingdom 103: He is Alive and Well
    • Kingdom 103: The Unchanging Person and the Unshakable Kingdom >
      • Kingdom 103: Who or What is Your god?
      • Kingdom 103: Focused and Unshakable >
        • Kingdom 103: Staying Focused on Your Purpose Pt 1 >
          • Kingdom 103: Staying Focused on Your Purpose Pt 2
        • Kingdom 103: Staying Focused on Kingdom Priorities
    • Kingdom 103: Be Encouraged Through Difficult Times
    • Kingdom 103: Singleness, Divorce and the Results Pt 1 >
      • Kingdom 103: Singleness, Divorce and the Results Pt 2
      • Kingdom 103: Singleness From God's Viewpoint
      • Kingdom 103: God Presents, You Choose
    • Kingdom 103: Forgiveness, Always a Priority
    • Kingdom 103: Kingdom Principles Are Relevant to Our Way of Life
    • Kingdom 103: Religion and the Kingdom
    • Kingdom 103: The House Where God Lives
    • Kingdom 103: The Indwelling of His Spirit (the Governor)
    • Kingdom 103: In the Kingdom, They are Filled with His Spirit >
      • Kingdom 103: Who Is the Holy Spirit?
      • Kingdom 103: The Holy Spirit is for All Humanity >
        • Kingdom 103: Return Of the Governor
        • Kingdom 103: Leaning On the Governor
        • Kingdom 103: Where Does the Governor Reside?
        • Kingdom 103: The Governor is Meant For All
        • Kingdom 103: The Holy Spirit is Your Guide and Teacher
        • Kingdom 103: Your Legacy and the Kingdom
  • Kingdom 104: Misrepresenting the Kingdom Gospel
    • Kingdom 104: The Misrepresentation of the Kingdom
    • Kingdom 104: Earthly Holidays Misrepresent the Kingdom
    • Kingdom 104: Being Misrepresented
    • Kingdom 104: His Name is All Authority and Power >
      • Kingdom 104: His Law, the Source of All His Principles and Truth
    • Kingdom 104: Failing to Know Your Kingdom Assignment Brings Boredom
    • Kingdom 104: The Purpose of the Sabbath--Rest and Teach >
      • Kingdom 104: The Sabbath or Seventh Day God's Way >
        • Kingdom 104: The Sabbath or Seventh Day God's Way Pt 2
    • Kingdom 104: Living in the Kingdom Culture >
      • Kingdom 104: Your Eternal Foundation Will Sustain You
    • Kingdom 104: The Diluting of the Kingdom Message
    • Kingdom 104: Detoxing Your Mind
    • Kingdom 104: Being Deceived From Your True Identity Pt 1 >
      • Kingdom 104: Being Deceived From Your True Identity Pt 2
      • Kingdom 104: Being Deceived Without a Solid Foundation
    • Kingdom 104: What Profit Has Righteousness in the Kingdom? Pt 1 >
      • Kingdom 104: What Profit Has Righteousness in the Kingdom? Pt 2
    • Kingdom 104: Christianity Misrepresents the Kingdom Pt 1 >
      • Kingdom 104: Christianity Misrepresents the Kingdom Pt 2
    • Kingdom 104: A Focused Representative of the Kingdom
    • Kingdom 104: Where Are the Masculine-Thinking Men? Ch 1 Pt 1 >
      • Kingdom 104: Where Are the Masculine-Thinking Men? Ch 1 Pt 2
      • Kingdom 104: Where Are the Masculine-Thinking Men? Ch 1 pt 3
    • Kingdom 104: Masculine-Minded Men of the Kingdom Government Pt 1 >
      • ​Kingdom 104: Masculine-Minded Men of the Kingdom Government Pt 2
    • Kingdom 104: The Benefits of Understanding the Simplicity of the Kingdom
    • Kingdom 104: The Benefits of Discernment
    • Kingdom 104: Is it Lust not Love?
  • Kingdom Living
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    • The Kingdom Is the Crux of the Problem Pt 1
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    • An Invisible Kingdom and Citizenship
    • The Power and Privilege of Citizenship >
      • Becoming a Kingdom Citizen Part 1 >
        • Becoming a Kingdom Citizen Pt 2
      • Our Citizenship
      • Dual Citizenship Pt 1 >
        • Dual Citizenship Pt 2
      • Principles of Citizenship
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      • The Kingdom of God is Within You Pt 3
    • The Authority and Source of Our Being >
      • Focusing On the Correct Source
    • Experiencing the Kingdom of God on Earth
    • The God of the Kingdom and His Concept
    • The Sons of the Kingdom of God
    • The Same Kingdom Message
    • Kingdom Citizen, not "Christian"--What's In a Name?
    • The Source of Your Foundation for Life
    • What is Your Motive?
    • Reminiscing Through History
    • Facing Life Successfully and Effectively Pt 1 >
      • Facing Life Successfully and Effectively Pt 2
    • The Power of Motive and Faith in God's Word
    • Your Faith in Jesus the Christ: the Work of God >
      • Your Faith in Jesus the Christ: the Work of God Pt 2
    • The Challenges of Your Faith In God's Written Word
  • Marriage
    • Kingdom Principles of Marriage
    • Marriage is Still God's Idea
    • Is Sex the Primary Purpose for Marriage?
    • God Created Marriage as a Foundational Institution
    • The Misconception of Marriage
    • Populating the Earth Wasn't the Primary Purpose of Marriage
    • Marriage--When Two Histories Collide
  • Kingdom Citizenship
    • Citizenship-- Part 1 >
      • Citizenship Pt 2--Becoming a Kingdom Citizen
      • Citizenship Pt 3-The Concept of Dual Citizenship
      • Citizenship Pt 4: The Invisible Citizenship
    • Colonization: The Concept >
      • The Colonial Intent of God
    • The Government of God and Democracy >
      • The Priority of God
    • The Kingdom Versus the Government of Man >
      • The Kingdom Versus the Government of Man Pt 2
  • Kingdom Questions & Answers
    • What Is Your Place in the Kingdom?
    • The Good News Is the Kingdom
    • The Origin and Purpose For Man
    • The Birth of the Kingdom, The Spirit of Dominion >
      • A Promised Kingdom
      • Sons or Servants >
        • Standards of a Great Mentor
    • Ruling the Visible World From the Invisible Realm >
      • We Were Born to Rule, But Not Over Each Other
    • A Kingdom of Kings >
      • The Image of a King
      • Building a Kingdom Mentality
      • Servant to the King of Kings
    • What Question Fits Your Crisis?
    • Rediscovering the Kingdom Concept
    • The Kingdom Components
    • Jesus' Assignment Was to Restore the Kingdom
    • The Restoring of Our Place in God's Plan
    • We Are Citizens of a New Order
    • The Kingdom--Preached In Word, Demonstrated In Power
    • The Indwelling Force
    • The Divine Confrontation
  • We Are Heaven's Ambassadors on Earth
    • The Characteristics of an Ambassador
    • The Ambassador's Power and Authority
    • Our Position as Ambassadors
    • Representing the King as Ambassadors
    • King's Policies Should be Carried Out
    • Breaking Diplomatic Relations
    • Surrendering Your Heavenly Passport
  • What Is Culture?
    • Understanding Principles of Kingdom Culture
    • Understanding the Kingdom Concept of Culture Pt 1 >
      • Understanding the Kingdom Concept of Culture Pt 2
      • Understanding the Kingdom Concept of Culture Pt 3
    • Culture, What It Is >
      • Culture, What It Is Pt 2
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      • Culture and Its Many Manifestations Part 2
      • Culture and Its Many Manifestations Part 3
      • Culture and Its Many Manifestations Part 4
    • The Kingdom: Social and Economic Differences
    • Kingdom Culture vs The Culture of Christianity
    • Faith in the Kingdom Culture
    • There Are Three Basic Needs of Mankind
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    • The Effects of Fasting
    • The Three Keys for Kingdom Success
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      • Knowledge, Information From the Lord God
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      • Change is a Process
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      • What Do You Put Your Faith In? Part 2
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      • The Principles and Benefits of Purpose Pt 1 >
        • The Principles and Benefits of Purpose Pt 2
        • The Principles and Benefits of Purpose Pt 3
        • The Principles and Benefits of Purpose Pt 4
        • The Principles and Benefits of Purpose Pt 5
        • The Principles and Benefits of Purpose Pt 6
        • The Principles and Benefits of Purpose Pt 7
      • The Principles for the Nature of Your Purpose
      • The Principles of Purpose
      • The Principles From Priority of Purpose
      • The Principles for Purpose and Time
      • The Principles for Purpose and Position
    • The Lord Provides for His Purpose, Not for Our Plans Pt1 >
      • The Lord Provides for His Purpose, Not for Our Plans Pt 2
    • It's Imperative That One Knows Their Purpose
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What is a Serial Adulterer?

1/11/2014

22 Comments

 
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By the time I met my dear husband, William, I had a lifetime of experience loving and living with a male authority figure who was a serial adulterer.  Bless him, he had a job when we married!  That job was to show me it is possible for a man to be faithful.

You see, if they gave degrees for life experiences, I would have a PhD in adulterers and the people who love them. In childhood, our first male authority figures are often the father and the pastor.  I once heard Dr James Dobson say that how we relate to God is formed by those early male authority figures.  My father was also my pastor and he was also an adulterer..a serial adulterer, I now realize.  Even my father's spiritual mentor (also a pastor) was an adulterer with children from those relationships!  

I'm not telling my family's secrets.  This was exposed for all the world to see and for us to deal with right along side of him.  I know what it is to be the child of an exposed adulterer.  We shared the embarrassment, public humiliation, and harassment.  We also were caught in the middle of so much family turmoil and anger between our parents.

My "first truth" formed by these situations was "all men--even men of God--cheat".  To me, that was just a fact and nothing in my life contradicted it.

I married young to get out of that turmoil--we were in the middle of a huge adulterous scandal when I got engaged.  In time I was devastated to realize I had married a serial adulterer!  I lived in that situation--forgave--started over--raised our sons, for over thirty years before I finally said "enough!".

Does the word adulterer or adulteress make you squirm?  We try to say things "nicer" so as not to make people uncomfortable.  We say "cheated", "unfaithful" or "strayed".  But we, as God's people, need to face it with stark honesty to change what we are doing. In the church, we have no problem saying homosexual and pointing out that sin, but adultery, and fornication, we dance around and too often give it a pass as though it were less "sinful".   Divorce and adultery rates are no different in the church than in the world...we must face this reality and change it!

Now, what are some characteristics of a serial adulterer (male or female)?

A serial adulterer is usually a good family man or woman. Don't demonize an adulterer.  They are good people in many ways.  They may be good parents, good workers, good servants in their church. God has given them gifts and talents, which they may or may not be using. They may love their parents and their spouse--in their own way.  But they have raised their lustful desires above everything else in their life, including God.

A serial adulterer has one affair at a time, usually with long breaks in between. They are not "players" or promiscuous.  They do not usually have one-night stands.

A serial adulterer loves the excitement of falling in "love" and having those feeling reciprocated.  They enjoy the newness of the relationship and all the "good things" without any of the mundane unpleasant things of their marriage.

For a serial adulterer, it is often not just about sex.  It is everything that goes along with new "love".  It is sometimes about getting the things they feel are lacking at home.

A serial adulterer has a strong need for attention and affirmation.  It is often about ego-building. 

A serial adulterer will become distant from their spouse.  Their thoughts are consumed with their lover.  The desire to feel "faithful" to their lover causes them to avoid sex and intimate contact with their spouse.  They may even try to provoke arguments to feel "justified" in their affair.

A serial adulterer will disappear and have "unaccounted" times.  Not just the small time periods it would take for a sexual encounter.  They want to spend extended time with their new-found love.  They try to do this without raising suspicions, but they will become less cautious.  Though they don't believe it, in time their carelessness will get them caught.  All Satan wants is to get you to believe a lie.  They believe the lie that they won't ever get caught.

As with all adulterers, their behavior will change.  I heard of one woman hearing her husband sing in the shower--unusual behavior.  He was singing a love song that was not their song!  Red flag! 

When a serial adulterer is caught, they will say and do ANYTHING to preserve their marriage.  They do not want to be married to their lover.  They want the marriage, family, happy, respectable home AND the excitement of a lover on the side.  When push comes to shove, they will end the affair...or at least try to end it..to save their home and family life.  

In my experience, with the exception of a "Saul-on-the-road-to-Damascus" miracle, a serial adulterer does not stop.  They try and they may go a few years, but they will cheat again.  You will repair your marriage, rebuild your trust only to have it torn apart again.

The sad part is that when the first affair is exposed, you won't know if this is a one-time affair or if they are a serial adulterer.  That takes years and many heartbreaks before you know for certain.

Am I recommending divorce?  No, you must pray and listen to the Holy Spirit. God hates divorce...it rips apart families and breaks covenants, but affairs do also.  The only thing I will say about divorce is that until you have no strong emotion---love OR hate--you are not ready for divorce.  

I am writing these things because I believe knowledge is power.  Ignorance is darkness and it is where Satan rules.  He cannot wreak havoc over an area of your life where you have knowledge!  Don't believe the lie "if it feels good, do it" or that it is "chemistry".  No!  It is a demon of lust sent to destroy your family and thwart God's purpose for your life! See the big picture beyond your pain. But if you have knowledge, it will not succeed!

What if you are married to someone who has been hurt by a serial adulterer? Well, this is what William has done for me:  he is an open book--with his cell phone, his social media accounts, everything he does.  He has been honest, open and trustworthy. He is a healing balm for my wounds. He doesn't put himself in compromising, questionable situations.  He is a man of God who says what he means and does what he says.  He treats me with love and respect and lets me know in so many ways how much he loves me.  He treats me like a queen.  A wife can't ask for more than that!  (UPDATE:  It has been six years since I wrote this blog.  We have now been married 9 years and everything I've said about him is still true.  He has been consistent and trustworthy all these years!)

There is life after an affair and even life after a divorce.  God heals and restores and uses once-cracked, willing vessels. ~~Be blessed, Arlene

22 Comments
Holly
3/9/2015 06:49:38 pm

Reply
Brian link
2/21/2016 11:28:14 pm

I married my wife Nicole pretty young and she wasn't ready. The first big argument we had she went straight to her first boyfriend and started having an affair. We dealt with it and moved on but a year later she got a job as a waitress at a gentlemanly club bad move. Anyway she started seeing another man and fell in love I'm told this going on while I'm having brain operations one after the other . His name was tony a little weasel and the dated for over a year before I knew he was beating her so I got her out of there and we try to get our marriage back on track she sets up a weekend trip to ocean city md. We get to our room and she sits me down and tells me she loves me with all her heart but I need to confess some things so I'm about to blow right now and she hands me a note and the note was very apologetic but she tells me she also slept with a guy from kentland fire dept md and my friend who I took in him his kids and girlfriend when they were down and out! My heart just broke right then and there I got up and said how could you do this to me again she was crying hard so I left went walking the beach for hours. So I come back to room and ask her is this all of it and are they over she says absolutely and I'm sorry I'll do anything I love I'm sorry , it's late so we go to bed separate beds and fall asleep but in the middle of the night I climbed into her bed and again I said I meant forever but this is the end of it and we made love both of us tearing up because the love at that moment was inspiring! So a few weeks later I bring her to the place we had our honeymoon 54 st quality inn atrium oc Mathew following morning I got up and went to the beach and drew a huge heart in the sand and wrote marry me in it called to come to balcony and I spread my hands out to my display and asked her from my knee marry me again! She said yes and that was one of best weekends we've ever had. We got home and renewed our vows with family and friends and I never loved her more. The following years were great except my illness stated getting worse and worse ten years and 20 surgeries and pain left me in horrible pain everyday I trie and tried to do whatever to get relief but what I got from all the meds was almost no testosterone . No testosterone no desire no function I lost fifty pounds of muscle mass my skin felt like needles sticking me when touched it was horrible. But worst of all I started to lose my beautiful wife she took like I didn't want her when in fact she's all I wanted the whole time but she got lonely and after awhile of me being depressed about being in pain and can't perform like a man I almost shut down I'd go to work then sit in my garage all night. Then I woke up stated taking testosterone therapy and slowly getting something back and ready to re enter the world I see my wife has been having another affair with a riverdale park police officer over a year!! Needless to say I was and I am destroyed . I know it was hard but I can't comprehend her doing this again but she is and then her mom got really sick we thought she was going to die so I put aside my pain and stood with my wife holding her and consoling her whatever she needed but on her way home from hospital I catch her at police station with her lover this has happened quite a few times I find cards chocolate covered strawberries phone numbers I even recorded her telling him she loves him and her telling him I had a dream about you last night you know here comes the hero to save the day!
I don't know where to go from here she's cold now and whenever I catch her at something she manipulates me saying she's going to run of the road or take all my pills or only my dad would miss me my kids and you don't care. That scares me to death I know she's trying to manipulate me but I can't just ignore it then she does it I would die. Any thoughts ? I'm not leaving my house no way
Thanks

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Arlene
2/23/2016 06:27:02 am

I am so sorry to hear all that you and your family have been through. I do not say this lightly--my husband and I will be praying for you all. Only God can fix this. You can't change her. Her issues have nothing to do with you, but you and your children do suffer as a result of things she does. Whether you stay or leave--whether she stays or leaves, I want to encourage you to focus on doing what is best for yourself and, of course, your children. Renew your commitment to God and be the spiritual head of your home. Pray. Seek God in all this. Pray for your children and though it is very difficult, pray for your wife. That is hard, but it gets easier. I say that, because I have been there myself. She needs God. She needs to truly repent and turn her life around. There is more to lose than a marriage, there is eternity.
I say this sincerely, because I know it is true in my life: "God is the answer. Now, what was the question?" No matter what we are going through, He is the answer. At the worst times in my life, when I finally said "God, I give up. I just keep making things worse, I can't fix this. Please help me. Please turn this situation around. Show me what to do" I have seen things happen. As long as we keep trying to fix things by ourself He will let us. It is only when we take our hands off a situation and ask Him for help that things begin to change.
The first step is to take your focus off Nicole and put it on God and changing your mindset. Change your priorities. Be a man of God in your home. Be focused and strong in what your believe. Be strong for your children. Your life does not revolve around Nicole. Take back control of your life. I won't ever tell you to stay or to go. That is between you and God. Once you make some decisions and set them in your mind it will be much harder to be manipulated. This may sound cliche, but it is true: "Change your mind, change your world" Be the man of God He created you to be; your children, and Nicole, are watching. I believe you are stronger than you think. We are praying for you.

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Brian
3/9/2016 10:52:49 pm

Thank you very powerful I will do my best and pray for her and my children and pray for pay and wisdom

Desimber Rose
2/23/2016 09:31:41 am

Great Read!

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James Mathison
6/3/2016 05:29:22 pm

Thank you for your honesty and sincerity, Arlene! I agree that adultery is a terrible sin against God's original desire for every husband and wife.

Nevertheless, it's interesting that our Heavenly Father seems not always to disprove of adultery-- if it helps to further His Restoration Providence in some way. Tamar's adultery was righteous because she desired to multiply God's chosen people, and David's adultery, for which he deeply repented, similarly played a big part in shaping Jesus' lineage.

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Arlene
6/4/2016 01:59:50 pm

Thank you, James, for taking the time to leave a comment.
In response to your statement of God approving of adultery--or any other sin--He does not ever "approve" of our sin. He does forgive, redeem and restore. He can take the mess we have made and use it for His Glory and His Purpose but we NEVER sin with His approval. It is only His grace and mercy that keeps us. Sin is never righteous.
David found favor with God because he, as you said, was deeply repentant and loved & worshiped God with all his heart. So God forgave him and used him to accomplish what His Will was for David's life. But how much easier it would have been--and how many people wouldn't have suffered or died--if David could have controlled his carnal sinful nature. Sometimes God uses us in spite of our sins. That doesn't make our sin righteous or approved.

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Sam
6/18/2016 06:07:25 am

Good day, please I have been having adulterous relationships with many women for so many years. I try to stop but I keep falling back into it. My wife knows this & it has taken a major toll on my marriage. I really need help and deliverance from this. Beyond this, I have been engaging in masturbation for about 31yrs. It has become a stronghold which I have been struggling with and need to break. I believe this is the root cause of my sexual uncleanness.

I have let God down so many times I feel like he is tired of hearing me come begging for forgiveness. Things are not moving well for me & I know this unrighteousness is robbing me of God's favor and assistance.

I really need help and prayers for God's deliverance from this cycle of sexual immorality. Whenever I look at a nice woman, all I think about is sex.

Please pray for me. I need healing so I can be a loving husband & a responsible father who is pure and holy.

I cannot continue to live is sin so that grace may abound. I need to break these chains & strongholds.

Thank you.

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Arlene
6/18/2016 09:13:38 am

My husband and I will pray for you. The first step is knowing you must change and feeling repentance in your heart. Sin is so deceptive. It feels good in the moment, but it destroys us from the inside out. And, in time, it will destroy you. It may give you a disease, and it will ultimately rob you of your home, your wife, your children and your peace. Sin separates you from God for eternity.

I do not believe God ever grows tired of us asking for forgiveness. But true repentance, means to 'turn around' and turn your back on the sin that 'so easily traps us'. You can conquer this and be victorious. Allow me to just hit on a few keys to accomplish this:

First and foremost, if you are truly desiring to change, repent and ask God for forgiveness. Give your lusts to him. Plead the Blood of Jesus over your mind and body.

2nd, Find an accountability person. A more spiritually mature man you are comfortable talking to. We will be praying that the Holy Spirit will direct you.

3rd, Understand that your battle is in your mind, not your body. Get into God's Word. Fill your mind with scriptures that deal with lust and sins of the flesh. Temptations will come, but NEVER allow them to take root in your mind. When a lustful thought comes to you, you must IMMEDIATELY 'grab it and throw it out of your mind'. Fantasizing is not harmless. It feeds your lust, takes root and will ultimately lead you into another sinful, destructive situation. You are MORE than a conqueror through Jesus Christ. Also, flirting is NEVER harmless. Be honest with yourself and your behavior. Change the way you look at women. Never let your eyes wander to those parts that tempt you. They are co-workers, friends and acquaintances period. They are NEVER yours for the taking. Not even only in your mind. Only your wife deserves those thoughts. Remember, what you feed, grows; what you starve DIES.

4th Only focus on, and fantasize about, your wife. Remember why you loved her and married her. I pray that it is not too late to save your marriage. Only she can tell that. But do all you can to work on your marriage and rekindle the love you once had for her. Fill your mind with her and your love and desire for her and her alone.

5th Be the husband and father God wants you to be. You can be free from this sin that has you so chained up. Your sin weakens your family and makes them vulnerable. You are the head of your home and only you can fix this, with obedience to God's Word and the Holy Spirit's direction. 1 John 1:9 says "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." God's Word is Truth and you can stand on it.

Sam, I hear the repentance in your words. You are so tired. Sin drains, devours and destroys. Sin is like termites in wood. We may look fine on the outside, but touch us and we crumble. Don't ever believe Satan's lie that you can't change or restore your family. With God all things are possible. Give your lusts to Him and don't ever take them back.

Here are a few scriptures you may want to fill your mind with: 1 John 2:16; James 1:13-15 (really the whole chapter is great!); Proverbs 6:25-29; Matt 5:28; 1 Corinthians 6; Galatians 5:16-24; Ephesians 4:22; 2 Timothy 2:22

I look forward to a testimony of God's redemptive power in your life!

Praying for you and your family,
Arlene

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W.R. Luchie
6/18/2016 10:28:36 am

Greetings in the of the King!

I would like to add this on point to what my wife Arlene stated. You must change the way that you think, and this comes through seeking the Kingdom First! Matthew 6:33. You must lose that religious concept and embrace a Kingdom concept. In other words, Focus. Change your environment, as well as your associates. Only you can do that. Remember, that is a process, one that you must choose to go through. Why? because your very life depends on it. Literally! You must stay in His Word and embrace it everyday. I have been where you are and then some. But when I made up my mind to embrace His Kingdom concept, then positive things started changing in my life to cause my mindset to change. It all began with me believing in His Son and obeying in His Word. Just as simple as that. Religion makes it difficult. Well, I trust that you will make a decision to obey His Constitution and obey His principles for life.

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Sam
6/18/2016 11:59:48 am

Thank you so much Arlene & your husband. I really feel relieved that I could empty and open up myself to share the things which I have been struggling with.

Thanks a lot also for the scriptures which you have also shared. I will do my part by meditating on them day and night.

Please be rest assured that the process of total restoration has begun. I feel free & not condemned. God will give me the grace to die daily to the flesh.

I am also a believer who acknowledges that Jesus Christ is lord and savior of my life. I am born again but have been struggling to purify my mind of filthy thoughts.

I will be back to give my testimony sometime in the near future. I will indeed be victorious in this battle in Jesus name. Amen.

God bless the work of your ministry and continually use you to liberate many more from the kingdom of darkness.

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Arlene
6/19/2016 09:42:33 am

I am encouraged by your reply. We will be praying for you and your family. Be persistent. I'm certain we will hear your testimony in the future. God forgives and restores to His Glory! :)

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Maureen
10/19/2016 03:34:25 am

Dear Arlene, I have been married for 12 years. Mostly in pain and heartbreak. My husband is a serial adulterer. I have 4 kids and often find myself helpless. I'm convinced that I need to leave but I honestly do not have the means nor the will power. He beats me up however, I have noticed that he hasn't beat me up in the past 2years; I have also developed very skillful ways of avoiding his physical violence. I have loved this man so much and have been faithful to him despite his ill treatment. He abuses me emotionally, calling me ugly and saying I'm not good enough for him. If I went into the details of my marriage, two days I'd still be typing, non stop. I have seen horrible sex videos, text messages with different women, nude pictures, receipts for sex objects, lubricants etc.Each time I confront him, he either beats me or walks out and never explains. Then he won't talk to me for long months during which he'd come home at midnight and leave early the next morning. I want to leave with my kids. I need you to help me with prayers and tips on what to do. I just need help!

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Arlene
10/20/2016 08:41:23 pm

Dear Maureen, Your situation is heartbreaking. I am so sorry to hear all that you and your children have been through. My husband & I will be praying for you all! I don't say that lightly. I cannot tell you what to do, for only you know what is best for you and your children. I do know that what your children experience now will mold their adult life. They should see their mother being treated with love and respect. Please pray and seek God for your future. What do you want your life to look like in 5 years? 10 years ago, my life was totally different. When I should have been settling into middle age, I left everything and started over. It was so hard and lonely at times, but God always took care of me. Now I can say I wouldn't change anything. I made mistakes along the way, lost relationships, left my "dream home" and I still wouldn't change anything. You were created for a purpose that is yet to be fulfilled. One day at a time may sound cliche, but it is true. Visualize your future and then begin walking toward it one step at a time. I am praying for your strength, wisdom and favor along the way. I pray that God sends people across your path who will help you in whatever way you need help. Pray for your husband. And I don't mean a half-hearted prayer. Ferverently pray for his deliverance and emotional healing. He sounds like a miserable man, in bondage to his lusts. Let God be the center of your world. Give it all to Him. You cannot go wrong when you follow His path, even if it doesn't seem like your path, it will be the best path. Blessings, peace, provision and favor be upon you in Jesus' name! Arlene

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Saeed
11/29/2016 05:07:30 am

Dear Maurene, I am a Muslim and believe in one god, and believe that adultery will get me into hell in this world and hereafter. I am one of these unfortunate serial adulterer. and I want to apologize on there behalf to all of the families that people like me have broken. We are sick and have psychological issues. Very very very sorry for this. I feel that I am living a double life, one of a very virtuous person, doing my five time prayers and giving zakat, even performing Hajj. But then as soon as I feel I am purified from this sin, it comes back. Please pray for me and people like me.

Reply
Arlene
12/6/2016 06:49:36 pm

Greetings Saeed,
My husband and I are praying for you. The very fact that you took the time to read and respond to this article says that you are seeking an answer and desiring to change. God knows your heart. Please look around our website, maybe you will also find other articles that speak to your situation. There is freedom and deliverance from our passions and sins if we seek Him.....

We are praying for you!
Arlene

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Bassey
7/28/2017 09:26:44 am

My marriage is getting to 5 years now and the first 4.5 years has been felled with betrayal. My husband constantly cheated without my knowing. I got to know of this after our first child, this brought lots of quarrel and issues, we were able to get back together. We are both born again Christiansoon and felled with the Holy Ghost, so this action of his was very devastating. He promised never to go back to that life. But after 1 year, I noticed we were going down financially, attacks in dreams, in fact, nothing was working. I confronted him and he said he was still living in immorality, I never saw any remorse in hic confession, he even gave reasons why he had to do that. I was so broken, I packed out from the house with my kids, but then he came begging, promising never to go back. Now he is so committed ones again in the church, gets involve I fasting and midnight prayers, but the problem I have is that I find it difficult to believe and trust him anymore, I u suspect every move. The most painful part of it is that when I remember the past, it hurts so much. My mind is feeled with much hurting thought. I don't like the kind of things that occupies my mind, how do I come of it. I married a Virgin because I hated unfaithfulness in marriage but now, I'm living with a man who has slept with more than 7 girls, it's so heartbreaking to remember and he has refused to let me know any of the girls he slept with. I am confused if he has truly come out of that life. Please i need your advice, I tried to love him but those hurts will suddenly feel my heart and I will change my mind. Please what can you say to help me.

Reply
Arlene
7/29/2017 12:09:45 am

Dear Bassey,
Your comments brought me to tears, because I know the emotions and uncertainty you must be feeling. I wish there was an easy answer for all you have been through. Please remember, your husband's infidelity has nothing to do with you. He did not cheat because of something you did or didn't do. It had nothing to do with your looks or anything you think you lack. Often we try to blame ourselves and try to see what we can do differently to keep our husband from straying.

No! It is his sin, his lack of character and he is the one submitting to a lustful spirit. Whatever his reason or "bend" to bow down to lust rather than God is his to work through. Only he can repent for his sins and seek God's forgiveness and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. His mind must be renewed and transformed with God's Word.

Right now,I just want to encourage you to focus on your relationship with God and your children. First is your relationship with Jesus Christ, second is your relationship with your children and third is your marital relationship. Renew your mind with His Word. Know God's love for you. See yourself as God sees you. When anyone is in a chaotic relationship where one person is causing so much pain and instability, they tend to not focus on themselves. He becomes the center of the universe and every decision and every action is based on him. I see him standing in the center of a room while you and your children are running around him. In your mind, take him out of that position and put Jesus Christ in his place. He is the one you and your children should focus on.

You seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and the Holy Spirit will give you wisdom for your situation. If your husband truly repents and seeks to change his life, maybe you could find a trusted minister or Christian counselor whom you could go to together.

When you are ready and sincere, pray for your husband. Pray for his deliverance, for his healing, for strength to resist the devil when temptation comes. Pray that he would "hold every thought captive" and understand that this battle with lust begins in his mind. Remember that every time Jesus resisted the devil's temptations in the wilderness, He always responded with scripture, saying "it is written..." Did Jesus need to be tempted and tested? No! He showed us how we are to respond to any temptation that comes to us. That is why it is vital to have our mind filled with His scriptures.

If you both put God first and become healed and whole, your marriage can not only survive, but thrive and be a great testimony to God's healing and restorative powers. One person can't save a marriage. It takes both.

My husband & I are praying for you, your husband and your family. No problem--no sin--nothing is too big for God! But God gave us free will and we must come to Him freely. If the day comes that you feel you must leave, let it only be after you know you have done all you could do and you have fervently prayed for him.

I pray especially that God gives you peace through every storm, and supernatural comfort in times of mourning. Adultery is very much like a death and we do mourn. But it is only for a season. I also pray you will have an extra measure of wisdom and joy in your spirit through it all. You are blessed and better than your current situation. You are a child of the King!

Reply
Akinwale
10/21/2018 09:47:42 am

I got married about 23 years ago to a girl 5 years younger. I got married to her due to the fact that she had a son for me and I didn't want my son raised out of wedlock.

My work continuously took me away from my family and atimes I don't see them in months.

Over the years my wife had been involved in several affairs with men younger than her age.
I had caught her on four different occasions having affairs with men.

She even on one occasion brought the man into my house and defiled my matrimonial bed for over two years without my knowing. I even treated the man as a younger brother not knowing what was happening.

Over the past five years she has had confirmed affairs with four men.
The heart breaking thing was that while going through her phone this morning I realise that she is also having an affair with a Priest who I termed as a family friend.
They claim to be in Love with one another and recount there sexual escapades.

She has five children for me. Two of them still under 7 years of age.

I am really hard broken and on the verge of an emotional breakdown.
I am tired of forgiving her because she only lies low for awhile and starts another relationship afresh.

What do I do

Reply
Arlene
10/21/2018 11:26:51 am

Greetings Akinwale,

First of all, I commend you for staying all these years, when most would have walked away! God bless you for that. It is not in my authority to tell you to stay or to leave, but I can tell you this:

Pray... pray and listen to the Holy Spirit. Jesus sent us the Holy Spirit to comfort and to guide us, if we will only be still and listen.

Pray until you have peace. Pray until you have peace in your decision. Pray for your children because they are the victims in this whole mess. They will have the scars of your wife's sin and the fallout that comes from it. Protect them above everything. And the most difficult of all, pray for your wife. She is being controlled by a demonic spirit of lust. She needs to be free from this. She needs Jesus and to be set free. But she must choose to repent and turn from her sin and invite Jesus into her heart. She needs the word of God in her heart, so pray for her, even though it's hard. See her for the lost soul that she is and try to separate the pain and betrayal she has caused you to feel and see her as a soul who will spend eternity in hell if she does not come to Jesus and lay aside the sin she in which she is so entangled.

I will not tell you to leave; your prayers and leadership in your family may be the only thing holding them together. But, if you do decide to leave after praying and listening to the Holy Spirit, be sure of one thing: that you are at peace with your decision and at peace with your wife. You shouldn't feel any hate toward her. If you hate her, you are not ready to leave. Pray through until you have peace about her. Only then will you really be free.

Though it is difficult, begin to take your focus off yourself and your justifiable hurt and feelings of betrayal. Focus on your children and their future. Focus on what you want your family's life to be a year from now and begin to build on that future.

Remember this one thing; her adultery has nothing to do with you. It has to do with who she is and the spirit she is listening to.

We pray for you and your family. We pray for peace and healing. We pray for a hedge of protection around your children's spirits that they will not be scarred by this. We pray the Lord gives you increased wisdom and direction. Let His will be done in your life, for His glory! Amen!

Reply
Olebile Sarefo link
8/16/2020 01:06:22 am

Thank you so much for the comments and the advice you gave those shared their issues with you. I really appreciate, I have learnt a lot.

I also want to share my experiences on the same issues but I want to be anonymous for security reasons. Is this allowed?

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Arlene
8/19/2020 01:06:42 pm

Certainly. This form requires a name, but it doesn't need to be your actual name, if necessary. The email address is not published so no one will see it. We only ask that that comments not be very explicit. Blessings, Arlene

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    Arlene Luchie

    They say that behind every great man there is a great woman.... I am that woman ;~)

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